He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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