I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
