my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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