Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
