i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
