I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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