Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt

Fav 7 3325 1753
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(815): View more from Illinois

I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.

Fav 12 984 4254
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...

Fav 21 2237 7908
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(317): View more from Indiana

The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.

Fav 25 5660 1525
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(515): View more from Iowa

Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

Fav 14 1373 4770
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(908): View more from New Jersey

it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend

Fav 6 3247 877
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(425): View more from Washington

If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

Fav 11 3790 1910
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.

Fav 1 82 11
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(951): View more from California

They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!

Fav 0 10 48
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