Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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