I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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