the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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