Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
