I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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