How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
