So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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