Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The feeling are messing with the penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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