Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
