If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
