no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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