i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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