Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
