So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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