he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
