I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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