I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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