He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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