One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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