just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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