I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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