I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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