If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
