what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
