Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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