Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
