My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
