Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize