with your own penis?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
