Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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