I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
high people should be assigned attendants
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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