on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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