you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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