This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
