i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
