woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
