no. you can't hotbox the world.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
