And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
