Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
