i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
