i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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