i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They have beer where we have blood.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
