So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
