JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
