fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
