I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
