all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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