I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
