rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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