dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
