Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
