I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
