That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
