You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
