You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
