No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm at about main and main street
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
