another moral hangover. fuck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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