what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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