Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
