Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
