apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
