True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
