Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
