He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
