drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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