I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
